Pyramid Head on Trial
by palomino333
Summary: After all those horrible killings, Maria is finally suing Pyramid Head. But, since this is Silent Hill, things probably won't go as she planned.


"All rise for Judge Mason!" Called out Cybil Bennett, the bailiff of the court.

Harry Mason walked into the dreary courtroom dressed in a long black robe and a white mop for a wig that made him look like an old man. He ascended the back stairs of the high center box that housed a cushy chair in its middle, and a Seal of Metatron in its front, and sat down, banging his gavel. "Court is now in session."

Directly front of him was Douglas Cartland, the prosecutor. On his right was the plaintiff, Maria, her lawyer, Claudia Wolf, who had an arrogant look on her face, and her witnesses, James Sunderland and a mannequin. On his left was the defendant, Pyramid Head, his lawyer, Alessa Gillespie, who was currently sorting through some papers, and his witnesses, Lisa Garland and Memory of Alessa. Sitting in the audience were members such as Cheryl Mason, Laura, and Angela Orosco. The jury was against the left wall, consisting of various monsters such as lying figures, grey children, and insane cancers. Vincent sat at the lower podium on his left, typing away, while quite a few undead nurses stood next to Cybil in case any trouble arose.

"Mr. Pyramid Head. You are accused of the repeated killing of Maria. How do you plead?"

"Innocent," Pyramid Head rumbled.

Maria rolled her eyes. "As if."

"What's going on? Who s Pyramid Head?" Laura whispered to Cheryl. Cheryl gave her a pair of monster-seeing goggles that took her 200 UFO Crunch box tops to receive.

Laura whistled. "Whoa. No wonder why James peed himself. I'd be that scared too if I had to stare at how ugly Maria is."

Dahlia whapped them on the head with her pen. "Insolent children!"

Angela took out her knife, holding it over Dahlia's head. "Leave them alone," she growled. Dahlia immediately shut up.

"Claudia Wolf. You have the floor."

"I call James Sunderland to the stand."

"Now James, I understand you have witnessed these alleged killings. May we have a description?" Douglas asked gently but firmly. James nodded and told of each one with excruciating detail. At the end of his statement, Maria looked eagerly around, expecting sympathy, but found none.

Alessa leaned over to Memory of Alessa and whispered, "I guess being burned in a fire and being forced to live in pain afterwards just doesn t cut it anymore." Memory of Alessa snickered and nodded.

As James left the stand, Claudia called up the mannequin. "Miss Mannequin, we have heard that Pyramid Head has repeatedly molested you. Is that true?" She made no sound. Douglas repeated his question.

"You idiot! Mannequins can't talk!"

Angela put her head in her hand, embarrassed. "Eddie, sit down."

"I thought she had laryngitis." Maria shot back.

"Laryngitis? She has no mouth, for crying out loud!"

"EDDIE! SIT DOWN!" Everyone yelled.

Harry shook his head, and exchanged a glance with Vincent. This was pathetic. "Does the plaintiff call up any further witnesses?"

"No. No further questions." Claudia looked no longer arrogant.

Maria whispered in her ear, "You are so fired."

"Alessa Gillespie, you have the floor."

"I call Lisa Garland to the stand." Lisa nodded and walked up, carrying a medical handbook with her.

"Miss Garland, I see you have a handbook with you. Do you mind telling us what it states?"

"Not at all. This states how events that happen in one's past have bad psychological effects on someone. When James Sunderland killed his wife, Mary, it had a horrible effect on him and made him delusional."

"And how is this relevant to the case?"

"Both Maria and Pyramid Head are James's delusions. Maria is luring him back into his evil wants of lust, while Pyramid Head is trying to help him come out of it by representing how James thought he should have taken the punishment."

"Yeah, right! I'm too beautiful to be a delusion!" Maria yelled, standing up.

"Sit down! You have had your chance to speak!" Harry yelled, banging his gavel.

"But-" BANG!

"But-" BANG!

"But-" BANG!

"You're mean!" BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Lisa left the stand as Alessa called up her alter ego. "Miss Memory of Alessa, you are here to reinforce the idea Miss Garland has posed."

She nodded. "Lisa is right. Pyramid Head was only doing his job to help pull James out of his depression by eliminating the problem. I helped pull Heather out of hers by being destroyed to solve the problem of Alessa's depression and anger."

"Who would believe you? You're covered in blood!" Maria yelled.

"Oh, and you re so beautiful in your demon form," Memory taunted.

"Any other questions?" Harry asked Alessa, his eyes begging her to say no.

She honored his wishes. "Nope. The defense rests."

"Very well. The jury will take a vote and determine how this trial will end."

After a round of monsters biting each other s heads off and tossing each other around, complete with the background noise of Harry repeatedly banging his head on the podium, wishing he hadn't quit his job as an author, a grey child spoke in perfect English, "We have come to the conclusion that the defendant is found innocent and the plaintiff must serve 500 hours of community service at the retirement home starting right now."

"WHAT?!" Maria jumped out of her chair. Cybil and the zombie nurses ran over, trying to drag her away. "I CAN'T BELIEVE A GUY WITH A PYRAMID FOR A HEAD AND A LITTLE BRAT BEAT ME!" Cybil raised her gun and shot a tranquilizer dart before Maria transformed. Everyone cheered. Alessa and Lisa hugged each other, jumping up and down, yelling, We did it! Memory of Alessa and Pyramid Head did a belly smacker, which made Memory go flying due to Pyramid Head's superior weight.

XXXXXX

"So, what'll we do to celebrate?" Alessa asked outside the courthouse.

"I'm thinking Vegas!" Pyramid Head replied, hopping into the van he bought at Psycho's Car Dealership. Lisa and Alessa hopped in the middle, while Memory took the front. "Hey, James! Come on!" Pyramid Head yelled out the window.

"Really?"

"You learned your lesson about delusions. Come on!"

"Okay!" Towing Laura and her new friend, Cheryl, behind him, he jumped in the back, calling over his shoulder, "Hey, mannequin, I heard Vegas needs some rockettes!"

After the eight of them had climbed in, Pyramid Head put the pedal to the metal, yelling, "Look out, Las Vegas! Here come the dead!"

Later on, Harry Mason realized that his daughter was missing yet again, and began searching for her tirelessly. Cheryl sent him a postcard from Las Vegas, but it was lost. Apparently, the local monsters of Silent Hill didn't like the new mailman very much. And Maria, you ask? Well, after she had done her time, she was so mortified by having to give the seniors sponge baths that she was begging Walter for his rusty spoon, which she never received.


End file.
